And nothing's ever gonna change

I'm taking this a lot harder than we all thought I would.

Today's three bus-stop long walk in the pouring rain sans an umbrella truly epitomizes how I feel about everything. Staring down the dull walkway as drops of water hit my bare skin and gloomy thoughts speed through my mind; freezing, slumped and incredibly vulnerable. I'm fine, I'm just tired. But of course no one bought that; I'm a wreck. It's the overwhelming sense of emptiness that I cannot seem to shake. It's the haunting noise of a broken heart. It's the cloud of disappointment and shattered hope. It's the feeling of being at a complete lost at everything, the feeling of having everything fall at the same damn time. It's just.. everything. 

So I drown myself in Maroon 5, Din and a mountain of homework thinking that maybe it'll get better, maybe it'll get easier. But it doesn't. It just keeps coming, blow after blow, day after day. I'm not weak, I'm just tired. Tired of having to deal with everything, tired of constantly feeling so physically and emotionally drained, tired of depending on others, slightly tired of fighting, tired of acting strong and tired from pretending it doesn't kill me. 

Thanks everyone for everything though.

Lie awake in an empty room,

In my head it all feels the same.

Like the taste of the day you left,

That still lingers on my breath.

And the dampness of your tears,

A stain where you wept.

Why do you do this to me?

You penetrate right through me.

Everytime I wind up back at your door.