Ups and downs, sweetie.
I have three vices: Coffee, alcohol and denial. And when I indulge in all three everything goes terribly wrong. Cos then I end up drunk in the middle of my brother's room, reeking of puke and having him look after me and making sure I don't get in trouble. Sorry darlings for dying on you. I know I should have listened. It's reassuring to know that there are still people here looking out for me though and making sure I'm okay after everything I've been through. And I know no one believes me but I'm fine.
Sometimes I wonder how you fill the gap someone leaves behind when they get up and walk out of your life. The gaping hole that penetrates your thoughts and leaves you questioning your self-worth. I mean, my track record for this year alone is fucking astonishing. And it leaves me in fear and fuck almost anticipation, wondering who else I'm going to lose next. Not that I want all of you back. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder baby, it just makes separation easier to handle as each fucking day goes by. But it doesn't make the thoughts, the disappointment and the angst go away does it. So how do you go about filling the hole?
Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though their here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
Oh how I long for yesterday
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