I wish you were here with me tonight

I hate how everyone has to coax me, remind me, nudge me, push me to study before I'd even begin to start simply because I have fucking given up. I hate how everyone has to check if I studied today because they know that I probably wouldn't have concentrated much because I just don't care anymore. It's not that I don't love you for it, I do. I just hate how much things have changed for me. I hate how I know it's a big deal but just can't be bothered. I hate how I used to be the one telling people to study and how I now have to be told. I hate that I know I can do it like I've done millions of times before, but I just don't wanna try. I hate that I know it's not fucking worth it. I hate that I have so many excuses for myself and for what I have become. I miss it all, how it used to be before I started to hate things

Where are you?

And I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight.

I need somebody and always

This sick strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting every time