Oh oh this is getting oh too personal

Christmas Eve, I wonder if I'll ever change. That was more unintentional than anything else and so I owe Din and Krysten my life. Again. Smart move Batman. Oh oh this is getting personal.. too fucking personal. It was the angst the pure motherfucking angst and it sucks to wake up the next morning and realize that this angst is hurting no one but my fucking self and everyone else around me who still gives a fuck. It is hurting me. With Bear yelling to let it go let it go; I'm not the sort who lets things go. Oh wine. And in my awesomeness accidentally fumbled on my technology, Sonia Chew you might never love me the same way again (Call me, you will be so insulted you could die). This isn't about you anyway, that one was an accident. It's okay cos in my sick twisted mind, deleting it means it never happened. Hawhawhaw. Fuck shit I'm tired balls. Next thing I know I'm bent over the lovely host's toilet revisiting Christmas dinner with familiar faces holding back my hair giving me the familiar looks that remind me why I'm supposed to stop. Tick Tock Tick Tock.. I regurgitate again. Falling asleep on Din/couch = Passing out. Awoke hours later alone to join the mass orgy + truth or dare + not being the only one high all night or what I recall of it. (Thanks once again to Rakashakalaka for proclaiming that to the world I love you goodnight) And yet with all that ruckus surrounding and shrouding me in my tiny corner, all I could do was stare at the swirling stars on the ceiling with the same sentences screaming screaming in my head. I will never understand why this keeps happening either. Don't oh? me. Because in my mind, nothing will ever be my fault cos I'm just a crazy stubborn bitch who can't deal with her emotions properly. I also spent a good portion of the night wondering if I did the right thing. Moral dilemmas I suppose are called dilemmas for a reason. And although I know it wasn't the nicest thing to do, I stand by my crazy stubborn bitch excuse. *shrug. Woke up to a lovely lovely rainy morning with contacts still in my eye and my Matharnis missing and.. The L Word. Ah.. I'm going to hell.

I don't wanna be the one,

Making all the noise.