I'm moving past this feeling

I feel like I have so much on my mind but nothing to say at all. Running through circles in my mind, alternating between one and the other. Neither of which I want around anymore. I know I have hand but the point is, it is still unattainable and I am still walking around like a less severe version of me circa 2008. Well, not really. Not until dusk falls anyway. Every night as I retreat to my own bed, I find that it is no longer my sanctuary. I see myself breaking out of it... and into something else. I need to find a better way to live my life. You are stone cold. I find myself wondering what changed.. hopefully I'll get bored of my own thoughts. Is this the holistic viewing of which we used to spoke of? Damn it. Nothing about you is particularly special or great so I should just man the fuck up. Oh what a dangerous road to go down. I should've seen it coming. Well, I did. Hurhur. Which brings me to the point about my you-only-live-once mentality. Things are slowing down considerably but it makes me worry that I will never break out of this cycle. Take for example the way I feel now. I could've prevented it.. all. But I didn't. It's like that thing I read about how you just know it's gonna happen before it happens... yet it still happens. Youth is fine and all but what about when I get older? Will I never change? Hmm. Surely, I'll eventually grow restless with this thinking. Surely.

We lie together but not too close