I can't seem to remember much of the past few days in my head. Could be the lack of emotional progress in terms of my perception of love and life. I have long accepted the way things are now, mainly because the ball is in my court and well, remains here. If there was ever a ball in the first place. Although I do find myself hoping for so so so much more, and also feeling a great deal of missing. It takes me forever to do anything, if I do do anything, it would probably be way too late. At least it would be my own fault. I suppose that I am so used to feeling this way. On top of that, it really is a lot of me just running away from what's really important now. School... what school? Exactly that. Not to mention, I need to find myself a damn job. I can't do anything on my own. This is exactly the way I didn't want to feel in my time now. And yet I find myself at 3 in the morning being lectured by an old friend and actually having some sense of fear knocked into me. Not the best idea either. Surprisingly, the company has left me feeling more depressed than comforted. Strange. No wait, actually it makes perfect sense. Misery loves company. Speaking of misery, results are out and I am now officially graduating with mediocre grades. Life. I'm feeling just a little all over the place right now. It takes me for fucking ever to do anything, whether it's regarding my future or making the friendly move. It is really upsetting me that I really truly need to be pushed to do things, which means I really can't fucking take care of myself at all. I spend too much of my time obsessing over frivolous and frankly unobtainable things to avoid the real deal. See, this is why I have to be alone.
But a special place for you in my heart, I have kept
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