First semester down and we're another 9 thousand dollars in. That was fast. A semi-fabulous weekend left me feeling surprisingly old and stale. Perhaps I've lived too hard and fast in my youth a la this piece and am reeling from the days when things hotly burned. Or maybe its cos I am lacking the one element that made me feel vivacious, capricious and well, batshit crazy. If I could contain my youth in one tangible form for sake of argument, it would be in you (alright, so maybe I'm still a little crazy). I think my need for true adventure went out the door when you did, leaving me riding on misplaced recklessness which has since fizzled out. I don't want it to be this way, regretting things I could've done in the pursuit of... nothing. Ironically, I feel that I take life a lot less seriously now than I did when I was younger. Yet it seems I do a lot less stupid things. It's not so much that I've grown out of it.. I don't know what I'm craving for. For example, tickets for my great overseas adventure have been booked and set in stone and I am not excited at all. Nope. Nothing here but crippling anxiety. Have I always been this safe? Sigh. The more time passes, the more I begin to doubt his devotion to me. I realize he believes I'm in love with him as much as I believe he is with me. We're just two fools. Maybe it's just me. I find that I have been incapacitated by insecurities lately, stemming mostly from the fact that I no longer feel close to anybody.
They can't hurt him
if they can't see him
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