I am both happy and sad

Can I just say that this movie was truly magnificent; best book-to-movie adaptation. The book had always meant so much to me and watching the movie really evoked a lot of memories for me and the times we ourselves were infinite. Or so I had thought. Nothing of similar stature will ever be said about the loser sitting next to me though but such is life I suppose. As expected, the night took a turn for the worse. What he doesn't understand about my reluctance to be in social situations with him is that to me, his behavior is the fucking epitome of an extremely small person trying too hard to look like somebody, anybody. Every calculated move he makes and the obnoxious way he talks and the lame shit he says.. it fucking reeks of desperation for approval and it fucking makes my skin crawl. Back then, we limit our interactions to just to two of us so I can try to overlook that side of him (and its damn difficult) because honestly, I truly find the way he interacts and behaves in his "social life" (cue eye roll) extremely fucking unattractive. I fucking hate him enough as it is when its just us without having to be put through that. Oh god. I can't even. If anyone is reading this and wondering why I put myself through this, my only defense is that it was actually unintended. I know it's stupid to act as if I can ignore the fact that I honestly hate the hell out of him.. it's sort of a double edge sword when it comes to physical gratification. Meh. After that night the fears I had of moving overseas and being forgotten were absolved. Now I fucking pray it happens so I can finally leave this crap behind. I'm so fucking done here. I don't want to anymore, it's just I get really bored sometimes. Moving on. I've been thinking a lot about people lately and how we perceive them to be, by people of course I mean boys. Strangely every time I try to pen down my thoughts, the words always seem to flow towards you. Maybe it's just the way I see you now; in my head the way I want you to be. I try to keep a realistic idea of the situation but as luck has it, I have a tendency to romanticize the past. I hope you know that somehow through the flurry of life and the still of the nights, I rarely feel alone because I am always accompanied by my thoughts of you. Yeah that sounded creepier than expected. When I have an odd thought, I'm comforted by the thought that in the alternate universe where we're still us (in the most innocent sense of the word), you probably would've understood. Basically what I'm saying is that I'm really truly crazy.


if only angels could prevail,
we'd be the way we were