sucks to be you right now

I guess this is one of those days where I think what's the point? Am I just another one of the distractions in your life? I really wonder what you're running away from. Am I just someone you can fall back on? Do you really think I'll be here to catch you? So I'm just the safety net for your forced foray into the forest? Of course it would only make sense, knowing my life. The more I get to know you, the more I think that you don't seem like that kind of person. But what do I know? Fuck you and your easy words. Is this what it feels like to deal with me? Probably. I don't want to take this for granted but sometimes, it's just so little to work with. Honestly. "You don't have the power to upset me. You don't matter enough to upset me." Sure, superficially it's light and fun and amusing. But is that it? Is that all this will ever amount to? I guess I appreciate the thought you put into bullshitting me. Do you even know what it means to have something that's real? I fucking wonder. Am I just being greedy? I just want more than this, I want something real, I want to feel security, I want to feel like I can believe you when you say things. I know intimacy is important but I'm beginning to think that that's all we've built here. Ironically, you were the one who said it was meaningless and wanted more. How can I invest in something and someone I have so little faith in?

if you're lonely,

why'd you say you're not lonely?