so calm and dull

Damn you. I am supposed to be mad at you. I am supposed to be angry that there are so many unresolved issues between us. I am supposed to hate you. And yet I don't. To be very honest, I feel surprisingly nonchalant about it (LOL). Well, maybe I really am disillusioned about my feelings for you. Maybe I'm just so used to thinking I am semi in love with you that I just assume that I still am. Because to be perfectly honest, I feel like I've just had a normal catch up session with an old friend, much like the night before what is now known to be the incident. Except now I have someone else to go home to. Well, not really go home to. Not that he's ever awake. Ever. This morning's question about whether or not I was truly bored of you was answered during this afternoon's session. "Learn to want what you have" and what I have is stability and some sense of physical comfort. To be fair, we do shake things up and our conversations are still lively and amusing to me. I am afraid I'm taking this for granted but sometimes I am also afraid that there's really nothing much to take. I guess some more time apart will be the be and end all to these questions.. for a while anyway. Right at this moment, I will pick you over anything. But well, whatever it is, for the time being I am really glad the domino effect isn't in play.

I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy