Back to the basics, though really what is that anymore. Honestly, it was just such a comfortable, nostalgic week that made me realize that everything is fake. From the beginning of this, I always said I'd never buy into this fucking bullshit and for completely losing sight, I am fucking disappointed in myself. To be said, a lot of what I had gained from way back when, also fake. Fake life vs ridiculous girl drama. And in the midst of the chaos, I have decided to take a step back, release the emotions and just accept it. Don't want to be friends? Then just don't try. Want to be friends? Then I'm truly sorry I haven't called. Can't be friends? It'll be sad but I'll understand. Can't make up your mind? Well honestly honey, I don't give a fuck. Maybe I just don't make good life decisions. Then again, once again, no one really gives you a chance to change. Oh well. At the end of the day, I am, like everybody else is, alone and I've really come to enjoy it. Like a darling friend said "You know you're not alone, you just feel like you are". I know that in the past year, I've lost sight of what it means to be someone like me. The past few weeks especially have seen me keeping most of my thoughts to myself and I think that that is the best option for me, again. Seems that trust has been used too loosely anyway. The truth is, there is no such thing as a dependable person, the same way you cannot be somebody else's dependable person. And there's no such thing as being responsible for someone else, especially if you can't even be responsible for yourself. And that brings me to the topic of forgiveness, which I recently learnt is something I might never possess. Clemency, ironically. "I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told". One person pops to mind, second only to the lack of forgiveness I allow myself. Funny thing is, I still imagine what you would say to me in that god awful voice of yours every time I desperately need advice. And it's disturbingly comforting but I don't care. Suffice to say, it's been an interesting week. Disappointment I think I needed to knock sense into me, to prove to me that I've gotten too emotionally attached to worthless things other than the only person that truly matters. And right this instant, I just feel fucking invincible.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
99 problems but the bitch ain't one
Back to the basics, though really what is that anymore. Honestly, it was just such a comfortable, nostalgic week that made me realize that everything is fake. From the beginning of this, I always said I'd never buy into this fucking bullshit and for completely losing sight, I am fucking disappointed in myself. To be said, a lot of what I had gained from way back when, also fake. Fake life vs ridiculous girl drama. And in the midst of the chaos, I have decided to take a step back, release the emotions and just accept it. Don't want to be friends? Then just don't try. Want to be friends? Then I'm truly sorry I haven't called. Can't be friends? It'll be sad but I'll understand. Can't make up your mind? Well honestly honey, I don't give a fuck. Maybe I just don't make good life decisions. Then again, once again, no one really gives you a chance to change. Oh well. At the end of the day, I am, like everybody else is, alone and I've really come to enjoy it. Like a darling friend said "You know you're not alone, you just feel like you are". I know that in the past year, I've lost sight of what it means to be someone like me. The past few weeks especially have seen me keeping most of my thoughts to myself and I think that that is the best option for me, again. Seems that trust has been used too loosely anyway. The truth is, there is no such thing as a dependable person, the same way you cannot be somebody else's dependable person. And there's no such thing as being responsible for someone else, especially if you can't even be responsible for yourself. And that brings me to the topic of forgiveness, which I recently learnt is something I might never possess. Clemency, ironically. "I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told". One person pops to mind, second only to the lack of forgiveness I allow myself. Funny thing is, I still imagine what you would say to me in that god awful voice of yours every time I desperately need advice. And it's disturbingly comforting but I don't care. Suffice to say, it's been an interesting week. Disappointment I think I needed to knock sense into me, to prove to me that I've gotten too emotionally attached to worthless things other than the only person that truly matters. And right this instant, I just feel fucking invincible.
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