The epic clearance. I honestly have not thrown anything away in the last three years. At all. And now it's literally empty. I forgot how big this room is and how lonely it gets on quiet nights. Life of a hoarder. I let nothing go.. nothing. This week I have spent mostly alone, except for the night we did nothing and it felt so fresh that it made me wonder when was the last time I felt connected to anyone, especially you. Void of expectations and judgement and boundaries and regrets. And how I've missed you and that. Do I force you to love me the way I want you to? Hmm. School has taken a backseat to worrying about my future. I always get so ahead of myself. Everything feels so near and yet literally so fucking far. I just want to stay where I am. Is it really too much to ask? Sometimes I think that I think I deserve more than I do. But then I always think: "Naah I do deserve more". My head is huge, if only I knew how to use it. These prospects seem so fucking bleak that it hurts me. If I don't get out of this mood soon, it'll just go downhill from here.
Tell me how ugly I am
but that you'll always love me
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