I didn't mean to break your heart

Slit here. Not surprisingly, I am not doing as well as I had hoped. One grade down, about twenty million to go. Fuck this. Why is there so much talk and hype around school or more aptly (hopefully) future school if I already hate it so fucking much as it is? It's ridiculous how quickly I am growing up. This year was just the fucking worst. It's all ending.. personal deadlines approaching. One and a half more months and yet I know I am no better off now than I was months ago. In fact, it's gotten so buried and has broken in so deep in that I feel nothing of it anymore.... Lies. God, I'm fucking pathetic. I can't escape any of this. I am afraid to think, afraid to look.. and in my own fucking domain. This is fucking shameful. And even as I sit in self-loathing, I am still on the pedestal below yours. Still making excuses for these actions; I actually believe that you were being the hero. Oh life and it's infinite devastation. My god, who am I even talking to? I am losing my fucking mind. On a much lighter note, I am beginning to think that there is no such thing as "I am okay with being alone". Maybe I am just the only one who's honest about being fucking terrified. Hmm. I assume what I want to believe. This is happening waaay too often. Suddenly I feel like I have no where to go.

I'll let it pass and hold my tongue