might mistake me for a heartbreaker

What an exhausting week. Life has it's ways of just slapping you around at the most unexpected of times, yeah? I know I've been talking the talk of leaving and growing up and doing what's best for me and all that jazz but well, for fear of you thinking I just talk big, I just can't. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going and so I am staying here. I think it would be the matured decision because let's be honest, I am a reckless mess and I will stay this way for a while. For now at least. Between my stupid obsession with not wasting my youth, my never-ending lust for the highs of life and my inability to remain satisfied and content with what I have, I barely survive here much less in a more happening environment. So. I think that's that. I think. This week really proved to me just how 1)impulsive 2)spoilt 3)greedy I am. I simply want too many things. I want to dream big but I want to stay safe. I want my freedom but I also want comfort. "Even you know that you can't have it all" . My first thought: but why not? Do I not deserve it all? Okay, let's not go there. Deserving is a touchy subject and honestly, I don't deserve half the goodwill I've gotten in my life. I am a terrible person who shouldn't be trusted. And yet I remain very lucky and I will always be grateful for that. Yet I know my luck will run out if I continue down my destructive path. I do need to be reigned in no doubt about it but the question is, can you in all your own reckless glory, keep me?


I know I can be a good girl,
But I've been bad before