let nothing go

So now I'm good and lost. Making life decisions is not my forte. This weekend just amplified the fact that I can't tell good from wrong. And you can't tell the truth from what you believe. I think the worse part is that despite knowing how delusional and reckless and disgustingly stingy you are, I'm still here. I wonder what it is that keeps me but frankly, I am getting bored. Perhaps it's because it is no longer feels mysterious. Or dangerous. (Except for that noon at home) It just kinda feels dumb. Sian. But more importantly. My future has now been put under the magnifying glass and I am scared out of my mind. What do I do now. Do I stay or do I go. Funny that just slightly less than two months ago I was so confident that I could deal with the change. And now that everything's set in paper and I am about to reject it, I am fucking freaking out. I think it's also because I've suddenly realized just how fucking spoilt I am and that's only because you don't spoil me like the others did. Cos you can't seem to look after even yourself and omg your disgusting stinginess. But that's again besides the point. I am having difficulties concentrating right now. Fucking distraught and stressed. This seems like quite a useless post.

We can leave this town

and run forever