I feel so much older than I remember. The acute sense of loneliness I couldn't seem to shake is now becoming too strong to ignore. I feel like I have lost a life, well actually two. Planning a Hong Kong trip for five because my father is a prick is incredibly frustrating. While I (somewhat) understand his side and fully agree that my lifestyle is way too extravagant for a barely-legal smallish chinese girl, I can't help but expect it anyway. I am spoilt and sore and doing it myself. Deal. My lifestyle is still hanging by that thread and it will either make or break me. Both ways. I feel like (and I don't know why it's only hitting me now) I have given up my life of familiarity, cosiness and fucking security for.. this. Sometimes I'm not even sure what this is; delinquency, cheap thrills, emptiness. What has she done to you? A friend mused playfully. I giggled along, pretending I didn't catch on that she had meant it. Aaah the remnants will always be; I deal with yours and you, with mine. See it's not so bad.. till things pile up! Hawhaw. I think I am a lot more alone than I had thought. They're black,
They're so cold,
They're so imperfect.
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