Never Dared To Let My Feelings Free: Too many strings attached

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Too many strings attached

I want you to want me.

So damn badly. But only because I know you don't. Well, maybe not only because, but it plays a major role, it's a significant reason in my quest to be wanted. And so that makes me ignorant, selfish, blind, proud. I want to be wanted simply because I am apparently unwanted. Yeap, that makes me proud as hell. And despite knowing this I try, I try so damn hard. So that leaves me sitting here with my battered ego whining and complaining that I'm stuck here again when I put myself here with my ignorance in the first damn place. HA. I'm pathetic really. I want you to want me because I can't have you. HAHA goodness gracious me I have issues. And I'm not talking about you Din, cos you want me.. right?(:

So the weeks have just been flying by. Friday nights come by quickly and in a flash I'm right back at buu's house, not that I'm complaining of course(: Saturday is a different story altogether, the wait always seems like forever but it's always over in an instant. Truth or Dare on the beach seems to be getting more and more..intense eh?(: HAHA.

If anything's killing me, it's time. (Or lack of it to be a little more exact) Sonia and I went back to SAC today to finally collect our stuff and it was hilarious because just eleven years ago we were heading to SAC too, except we were so much much smaller. And all of a sudden we are in separate schools, not just classes, and yet it felt strangely comfortable going back to that familiar environment. It's almost heart-warming seeing how far we've both come, how we've changed, how much we've been through, how we've grown. Damn I wish I was small again, back when everything was so much easier. So I could go through all of that again just to see what I would or wouldn't redo, just to remember how it felt, just so I wouldn't be where I am right now.