It's more common than you think

Someone should just stick a sign on me that says "Emotionally Rash: Stay The Hell Away"

The whole week has just been a crazy emotional rollarcoaster which peaked so damn high up in the clouds that it sent my heart pumping, hard and fast, and the adrenaline rushing through to my head. Then, out of nowhere it dives, plummets and plunges so damn fast that the panic, angst and fear becomes way too much to handle and suddenly I feel like I'm falling all over again. Well, everything comes to an end, this one bloody and way too graphic. Amazingly enough, I still take it all out on people who could care less or simply cannot deal with me and my frivolous issues anymore despite me knowing that full and well. I guess I just needed to see if you could or even wanted to be there for me, and well, the answer's not that comforting.

Oh I'll get over it. I'll get over not having a life anymore, not having time for myself, coming straight home from school to rush assignments, not spending proper time with my neds and this damn trip. All I need is tons of coffee, chocolate and (discussing) shopping! And you know I have a problem when a Venti Dulce De Leche ain't nowhere near enough. Haha! Or even some bubbre coffeeee(: Emo Monday, random flash mobs, skanky 'ho, Siglap instead of Simei, study days, STUDY study days, Magaritas and beer, untimely bleeding, "IT'S NOT FUNNY! I HAVE HOLES IN MY FACE!" and i-miss-you-already <33

Oh, you know you can trust

We'll be holding hands once again

All our broken plans I will mend,

I will hold you tight so you know

It is love, from the first time

I pressed my hand into yours

Thinking oh is it love?

<3

Does it hurt?

How long have I been in this storm?

So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form

Water's getting harder to tread

With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you

Everything would be all right

If I'd see you

This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water

And you will catch me if I fall

And I will get lost into your eyes

I know everything will be alright

I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down

Barely surviving has become my purpose

Cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you

Everything would be all right

If i'd see you

This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water

And you will catch me if I fall

And I will get lost into your eyes

And everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
You will catch me if I fall

And I will get lost into your eyes

I know everything will be alright

I know everthing is alright

Everything is alright <3

-Storm by Lifehouse

Because Simei just doesn't cut it anymore

And time makes it harder

I need to get my priorities right, straighten out my thoughts. Because I know I can handle this, cope with everything all at once. I just need to locate the handholds and grab on firmly, hold on so tight my knuckles turn white. Metaphorically of course. And I am truly sorry if I have neglected any one of you in the past week. I don't ever want y'all to feel like I'm only with you when I need something, because I have missed each and everyone of you terribly. And if I ever change like that, I want you to smack me up the side of my head and knock some sense into me. Not that I regret it though, cos it was fun, it was what I always wanted it to be and it taught me good. But it wasn't realistic. It's never that easy.

When someone said count your blessings now, 

Before they're long gone.

I guess I just didn't know how

I was all wrong.

They knew better,

Still you said forever.

So convinced and just too cool

I adore Sentosa. I guess the third time's the charm(:

So hold that thought and scrap that last post. Entirely. For once, I'm glad as hell I was wrong. Well, for now anyway. I'm glad you didn't break me, turn right around and shoot me down like I normally would. Because I like this, no matter what anyone says. I like this feeling, these thoughts, these emotions. Maybe I'm just still riding on the high. But I've never meant it more than I do now. And if I should be so bold, I am happy.

We'll see how long that lasts alright. One day at a time baby, that's the only way to go. Okay so maybe that doesn't apply to schoolwork. No, not at all. Cos I'm dying here, I really am. Whichever fucker said that poly was slack seriously odd to be fucking shot. Because these assignments and tests and projects and due dates are crashing down on me.... Okay fine. I lied. It's handle-able actually, especially if you compare it to JC, but I guess I just wasn't ready for everything to be dumped onto me like that.

Oh and I think I hate lions now.

If someone said three years from now,

You'd be long gone.

I'd stand up and punch them out,

Cos they're all wrong.

I know better,

Cos you said forever.

Too much self-worth

So I let my guard down,

And now I'm here waiting,

Just waiting for you to break me.

Then I see you standing there

Wanting more from me

And all I can do is try

Then I see you standing there

I'm all I'll ever be

But all I can do is try

Try

Too many strings attached

I want you to want me.

So damn badly. But only because I know you don't. Well, maybe not only because, but it plays a major role, it's a significant reason in my quest to be wanted. And so that makes me ignorant, selfish, blind, proud. I want to be wanted simply because I am apparently unwanted. Yeap, that makes me proud as hell. And despite knowing this I try, I try so damn hard. So that leaves me sitting here with my battered ego whining and complaining that I'm stuck here again when I put myself here with my ignorance in the first damn place. HA. I'm pathetic really. I want you to want me because I can't have you. HAHA goodness gracious me I have issues. And I'm not talking about you Din, cos you want me.. right?(:

So the weeks have just been flying by. Friday nights come by quickly and in a flash I'm right back at buu's house, not that I'm complaining of course(: Saturday is a different story altogether, the wait always seems like forever but it's always over in an instant. Truth or Dare on the beach seems to be getting more and more..intense eh?(: HAHA. 

If anything's killing me, it's time. (Or lack of it to be a little more exact) Sonia and I went back to SAC today to finally collect our stuff and it was hilarious because just eleven years ago we were heading to SAC too, except we were so much much smaller. And all of a sudden we are in separate schools, not just classes, and yet it felt strangely comfortable going back to that familiar environment. It's almost heart-warming seeing how far we've both come, how we've changed, how much we've been through, how we've grown. Damn I wish I was small again, back when everything was so much easier. So I could go through all of that again just to see what I would or wouldn't redo, just to remember how it felt, just so I wouldn't be where I am right now.

Oh and Happy Birthday Cheong!(: I can't believe it's been a whole year since your last birthday. (What a statement) Love your stupid face(:

All the moments that already passed

We'll try to go back and make them last

All of the things we want each other to be

We will never be.

All I can do is try.

My ducks need time to learn to swim

Don't lie to me, time was never on our side.

So here I am at starbucks again, enjoying the advancement of technology and enjoying my bubble tea. Yes I am a horrible person. School been getting easier I guess. I think I mean I'm getting more used to it. Assignments and group projects are piling up and deadlines are slowly but surely nearing but I guess it's all part and parcel of life. Pffft. I've been spending quite a bit of time alone though lately, simply because I refuse to go home at two o clock just because everyone else finsihes at six. HA. Although I must admit I'm going to try heading home by dinner time more often. Yes I am a nerd, did you forget?

It is, if anything, getting increasingly difficult to find time to pen little old me in. Because I do, I have the time. So then I guess it's not me, it's you. HA.

Oh and Pau? I hate your stupid face(:

'Cause I love to wash in your old bathwater
Love to think that you couldn't love another
I can't help it.

So what do you want from me?

Here we go again.

All these stupid emotions are clogging up my blog. So yes, in the midst of all that feeling (or should I say showing how I feel, thinking about how to feel and knowing how I should feel) I have failed to realise that there is a growing pile of projects that have collected right below my pretty little nose. And I know I should not be letting anything distract me from my school work so I will shove it all aside and concentrate on the five different subjects that I take. Well it's not much to shove now anyway, I guess things are clearing up on that front. The foundation is still a little shakey but at least I've found something to hold onto. We'lll just see how that works out then.

On the other hand, my parents are starting to incredibly annoy me with their retarded curfews and obvious suspicion. Pfffft. Story of my fucking life. I absolutely detest being compared to my brother but does it stop them? No, of course not. So here I am worrying about my school work and there they are thinking that I'm smoking up a storm and out with boys all day. HA, far from it. Wait till they figure out what it is that I'm actually up to(: HAHAHA. Oh well, that's what they get for trying to wrangle me under their grasp despite knowing full well that I am capable of being a responsible person without them. And now their constant watch over me has led me to rather rebellious endeavors which I probably wouldn't have fallen into if it weren't for their retardedness. This is truly what you call irony.

Gosh, I am filled with so much teen angst it's amusing.

The little things, you do to me are

Taking me over, i wanna show ya

Everything inside of me

Like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating

My feet are stuck here, against the pavement

I wanna break free, i wanna make it

So who's letting go first?

I am so fucking tired.

But it's okay, I won't die.

I remember the car you were last seen in,

And the games we would play.

All the times we spilled our coffees,

And stayed out way too late.

I remember the time you sat and told me about your Jesus,

And how not to look back even if no one believes us.