You love her don't you?

I never thought we would come this far. Everything feels like so long ago.



School starts in seven days, six if you don't count today. My heart sinks as I feel my freedom slipping quickly from my fingers. And my desperate attempts at salvaging them are so futile that I feel more and more hopeless everyday. Yes, as you guessed, camp was pretty useless(though relatively fun and quite scandalous) And yes, I did have to go through all that crap I mentioned and then some. I can't believe I was there for three days and two nights and I barely made new friends. HA. I just stuck to my darling SACians and DPA people the whole time. I guess I was just afraid that I wouldn't fit in even if I tried. No, I know that I was and am afraid. Which explains why I'm so reluctant to start school. And the thing about camp is that the loneliness you feel despite being surronded by hundreds of people is truly overwhelming. Jeez I am such a loser.




On the bright side, I really do love where our friendship is now and I honestly hope that it doesn't change. Maybe it's always been this easy, this comforting, this complete, but I've just never noticed simply cos I've been caught up in my stupidity(and some lust:)) But now that I can see it for what it is, now that I can stand back and appreciate it, I hope we never lose this connection cos it just means way too much to me. (And I am so glad that despite the fact that I love you too much for my own good, you no longer take advantage of it and that I know my limits)




Oh! Another problem I have with camp (other than fucking constipation) is that cos I don't actively partake in the activities, it leaves my mind free to wander, free to overheat in a myraid of thoughts and feelings, free to replay the events mentally and to analyze every single tiny detail. And of course knowing me, once I start I can't stop. I'm a quite a moron yes. So there I am, not even trying to look interested, sipping on my second-rate Nescafe coffee, thinking. Questioning my denial and wondering if I have indeed fallen.



So I'm not that immune afterall.


Fate fell short this time
Your smile fades in the summer
Place your hand in mine
I'll leave when I wanna