Never Dared To Let My Feelings Free: Yes, the moon is finally perfect

I am too far away. I am isolated. I am busy. I am emotional. I am out of touch. I am out of reach. I am stuborn. I am not strong enough. I am never there. I am detached. I am sorry.

It's just so hard. It's finaly hit everyone that we'd be going our seperate ways. I felt it a long time ago, but no one felt it with me cos no one else had started school around that time. I came home from orientation, flopped on my floor and cried and cried and cried. Everything was changing, no one saw it but me. Everyone was moving too fast, no one saw it but me. Everyone was letting go, no one felt it but me. And now, it's all we seem to be able to think about. Everything's changing, everything's moving too fast, everyone is letting go.

I am so fucking emotional. Maybe it's the lunar alliances, maybe it's the pms, maybe it's just that I can't handle all of this right now. Then again, maybe it's everything. It's so hard spreading myself thin, juggling my time between school, homework, buds, stud, family, alone time.I don't want to be home on the weekend finishing my homework while everyone else is out partying. I don't want to be too busy for all of you. I don't want to be so fucking far away from everything and everyone. But I am and I hate it.

The three people I am closest to right now. Din, Buu and Pasu. Please don't go. Please don't leave me. Please don't ever give up on me. I am confused(as we all know) and I need you with me. I need you here to tell me things I cannot see. I need you here to help me understand my emotions and my thoughts. I need you here to look out for me and to be here for me. And I need to tell you things you cannot see, I need to help you understand your emotions and thoughts, I need to look out for you and be there for you. If you leave me, I will die. It's as simple as that. All I want is the best for you and even though I can't always be there with you, I am always and will forever be here for you.

The rest of my close friends, you know who you are. And also for the people who have fallen off the face of my earth(Ethel, Weelyn, Lizzie, COME BACK!!) Don't think you aren't included in this. Please don't get sensitive on me for not personalising it. I love you all the same. I think you all know that if I could I would. I would choose for us all to be in the same school, I would choose us all to be together all the time. But I can't. So instead I choose for all of y'all to be happy in our seperate schools, never to replace me in your hearts but to find someone whom you can relate to, and that for y'all to know that I will also always be here for you. Despite our petty arguments or the fact that I haven't seen you since whenever. Always.

And you; Damn where do I start. I know I put you through a fuckload of crap and truthfully, it absolutely escapes me as to why you're still here with me. Sometimes I don't understand why you still stick around when I act the way I do. But you do and I love you for it.