Her first real relationship

It's such a strange feeling, being so busy and yet so free at the same time. I'm officially done with pysco classes and all I have left is the public speaking test on Friday. Other then that, I've managed to schedule in and spend enough time with all my neds this week, except for Din who I need to see so much more. And yes I am feeling so much better since my last post, thanks for all the concern. I guess it was just a random burst of emotions, you know what it's like! Oh and I also made a...picture thing which I can't put up here so get me to send it to you online cos you've really got to see it!




This is such a useless post, but I feel obligated to rid of all that emo-ness. So anyway it's just been coffee dates after coffee dates, pathetic attempts at ristricting myself from messaging and getting calls all at the same time. This is the way it's supposed to be man. And I've thought about it and I realise, that I do like it this way. I mean, of course it's nothing compared to how it used to be, but working with what we've got, we're doing pretty darn good I would say.


Well, for now anyway.



Well I've gone for too long
Living like i'm not alive
So I'm gonna start over tonight
Beginning with you and I

Yes, the moon is finally perfect

I am too far away. I am isolated. I am busy. I am emotional. I am out of touch. I am out of reach. I am stuborn. I am not strong enough. I am never there. I am detached. I am sorry.

It's just so hard. It's finaly hit everyone that we'd be going our seperate ways. I felt it a long time ago, but no one felt it with me cos no one else had started school around that time. I came home from orientation, flopped on my floor and cried and cried and cried. Everything was changing, no one saw it but me. Everyone was moving too fast, no one saw it but me. Everyone was letting go, no one felt it but me. And now, it's all we seem to be able to think about. Everything's changing, everything's moving too fast, everyone is letting go.

I am so fucking emotional. Maybe it's the lunar alliances, maybe it's the pms, maybe it's just that I can't handle all of this right now. Then again, maybe it's everything. It's so hard spreading myself thin, juggling my time between school, homework, buds, stud, family, alone time.I don't want to be home on the weekend finishing my homework while everyone else is out partying. I don't want to be too busy for all of you. I don't want to be so fucking far away from everything and everyone. But I am and I hate it.

The three people I am closest to right now. Din, Buu and Pasu. Please don't go. Please don't leave me. Please don't ever give up on me. I am confused(as we all know) and I need you with me. I need you here to tell me things I cannot see. I need you here to help me understand my emotions and my thoughts. I need you here to look out for me and to be here for me. And I need to tell you things you cannot see, I need to help you understand your emotions and thoughts, I need to look out for you and be there for you. If you leave me, I will die. It's as simple as that. All I want is the best for you and even though I can't always be there with you, I am always and will forever be here for you.

The rest of my close friends, you know who you are. And also for the people who have fallen off the face of my earth(Ethel, Weelyn, Lizzie, COME BACK!!) Don't think you aren't included in this. Please don't get sensitive on me for not personalising it. I love you all the same. I think you all know that if I could I would. I would choose for us all to be in the same school, I would choose us all to be together all the time. But I can't. So instead I choose for all of y'all to be happy in our seperate schools, never to replace me in your hearts but to find someone whom you can relate to, and that for y'all to know that I will also always be here for you. Despite our petty arguments or the fact that I haven't seen you since whenever. Always.

And you; Damn where do I start. I know I put you through a fuckload of crap and truthfully, it absolutely escapes me as to why you're still here with me. Sometimes I don't understand why you still stick around when I act the way I do. But you do and I love you for it.

That's it. I'm done being so freaking emotional.

Maybe you were all faster than me

We gave each other up so easily

These silly little wounds will never mend

I feel so far from where I've been

So I go, and I will not be back here again

I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses

I lie, put my injuries all in the dust

In my heart is the five of us

In White Houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me

What I gave is yours to keep

In White Houses

I love you at 6 am in the morning

I really needed to get that off my chest.


None of us need to even try anymore cos Buu's party was definitely the party of the year. HAHA(: Saturday was awesome! I loved the over-the-top decorations, the vogue theme and all that jazz. That's the only way to go Buu(: Haha. Well yeah, we all gathered on Saturday at the house of Buus to celebrate the birthdays of Guni, Kavina and Boobs. Heh. What a night. The waiters whom we thought were cute totally destroyed Gasolina for all of us. Yes yes, bad taste, I know(: HAHAHA. We partied and ate and danced the night away. Which by the way, no. The dancing was just..NO. I, no I can't handle..NO.


Moving right along, morning broke and the syncronised dancing began! HAHA. Kavina is hot shit. Din is hot shitter(: Then of course there was Harms, who broke a whole line of girls' heart.s HAHAHa(: Din got really mad and I love her so damn much for it(: Other then that, the morning was pretty much failure. Yes I was annoyed, and no I was not okay. Yes I died. No I didn't know why. Yes there was redemtion. No it wasn't enough. Yes, I brought it up. No, I just..don't. Yes, I am so much better now.



I think way too much.

My coffee is hotter than yours.

No harms, YOU stay outta MY way(:
MING!

You fucking jigglypuff! I throw agar at you! HAHAHAHHA(:
That's not vogue Pau(:


Din, you look like a fish.

Buu you sexy motherfucker.

That's what you get when you let your heart win,

I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating

I now belong to someone. Ew.

I miss Valentine's Day in school! But it's okay cos I'm really not minding out-of-school ones either(: especially since I had four valentine's this year((: SO ANYWAY, thursday was full of surprises (failed or otherwise), botak men, cookies, brownies, cakes, candles, hearts, crankiness, coffee, lip-glosses, huge cards, schools, secret calls, truth or dare, travelling, flowers, cupcakes, eleven failed attempts and a whole lot of lovin' ((:



I'm still waiting for it to hit me


Harms, you broke my heart.
Y'all float my boat(:

All the stars I was reaching for
You had in the palm of your hand
And if for just onceI would let the padlock on the door be open
Well Dammit, just get on over here
This better be the best thing I ever felt
My days they better be sunny
Better be nothing but all that I want(: