You lied. I fell.

There doesn't seem to be a clear definition of certaincy and uncertaincy to me anymore.


Time is passing a little too quickly. Suddenly we're inching that much closer to whatever it is we're trying so desperately to avoid. Yet the worries and issues we all harbour never seem to decrease, the burden never seems to lighten. And strangely enough, everyday seems to bring a new delimna, a new point of view, a new question, a whole new arguement. And how often do we fend off the deamons of yesterday?


To say I had a terrible week, is a complete understatement. Mind you, I barely recall anything, but it was bad. I was exhausted all week, looked icky on a daily basis, had a meltdown in public, was confused by a whole new problem everyday, talked about things I never should have said, worried about the already weakening bonds and spent a lot of money. Of course there were fun times. Which made me realise that the people sitting around me are extremely entertaining and are great for when you are bored in class(:


Well, other than that, I think this was a rather productive week. Science mocks and all. Plus now I'm trying to cram all kinds of formulae into my head in preparation for the A maths mocks on Monday, which is causing me a great amount of stress. Never have I been able to do well for A maths exams. Tests are okay for me, but when it comes to exams I just freak out and die. *shrugs


Mmm.. some days I feel so sure of myself. So sure that I know what I want, so sure that I am capable of acheiving, so sure that I am indeed happy and all my effort will reap benefits for me in the future. And then there are days when I fall back into reality, hard. When I start to question myself, my beliefs. Suddenly I'm not so sure of myself, I realise I have no fucking clue what the fuck is it that I'm working for, not sure what I should aim for, not sure if I'm just being complecant, not sure if I can say I'm actually happy. And I think it's so ironic that I pride myself on being the realistic one, the one who brings those dreamers back down to earth, because nowadays, I'm just delusional. I'm falling through dreamland, not knowing which way to go. I don't know anything anymore, I don't know what's right and what's wrong. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I don't want. I don't know what anyone wants from me. I don't why I still believe we could work. I don't know the politically-correct answer. I don't know how to control how I feel anymore.


I don't even know why I'm blogging about this.



Don't give me this feeling, I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away