Every other morning it's your face that I miss

Nothing lasts forever.

Especially not temporary jobs! Goodbye mid-range priced clothing outlet and the dread it brought! Still, not a bad stint on the whole I suppose. Honestly it isn't as terrible as I make it out to be, but then again maybe it's cos I'm finally free! Haha. Payday is less than a day away and I'm just itching for the rest of my life back though I'm not sure how that's looking anymore. Oh and after months and months I finally cut my hair. Symbolic? Let's fucking hope so. Anyway the two morons are off in Malaysia and have left me here alone to fantasize about getting kidney stones in my motherland. I'm starting to get excited about going again, perhaps cos there's nothing but school to look forward to. Oh the complete and utter joy. The dread I feel towards returning to the institution is really directed at the social aspect more than the technical what-nots. Roar. There's still time though, there's still time. I'm fine.

Burn another bridge,

Break another heart. 

You try again

And it will only fall apart.

Completely numb, I felt no satisfaction

It's in your eyes,

I can tell what you're thinking.

My heart is sinking too.

It's no surprise,

I've been watching you lately,

I want to make it with you.

Can you get up off the ground?

The state I'm in.

I stopped thinking about a fortnight ago. Stopped analyzing, stopped reflecting, stopped antagonizing my mind with memories. Everything is strangely calm and yet I secretly know that it isn't concrete, so it's difficult to tell if I am taking comfort in that or not. In fact I think I stopped feeling any kind of deep-rooted negative emotion. I have filled the gaping hole with stuff without substance, with superficial thoughts and temporary remedies. So essentially I am shoving everything aside. I don't think of anything remotely sad, I don't think of my heartaches, I don't think of my scars both physical and emotional, I don't think of the extent of the damage. I block everything out. So everything will be fine and dandy till I remember to my dismay, that I am only human and that I am drowning in everything.

I don't wanna talk about it,

How you broke my heart.

I wanna make up right now

Those who run seem to have all the fun.

Here we go again, another month down. Another month further from everything, another month closer to nothing. But heck what a month, even I'd admit. Stabbed a needle through my tongue, almost starving to death the next few days, got my first real job, one drunk night too many, consequences, ignoring, almost falling asleep in a pub, endless nights at Siglap with eyecandy, "MOTHERFUCK", being attacked by a grasshopper(!), a new blog, shopping sprees and a not-so-chance encounter which pretty much resulted in "DIN, FIX IT!". Waking up at 1 everyday and making the best (and worst) of my holidays doing nothing particularly productive. As I said, meaningless. Right now October's forecast looks just as trivial. Hong Kong for a tad then it's delving right back into the horrors of school. October will end horrendously though, that one I can quite guarantee. 

I'm not loving you,

That way I wanted to.

You lose.

Thought I was her star

I miss my star.

I am drawing a blank. This year will just be a blank. I will not turn seventeen, I just am. No celebration needed, not even a mention. God, this is really making me feel old. Ha. But of course like every other thing I choose to pretend won't happen, it does. It happens. Roar. Lately, it seems like my life is fruitless. And I don't mean that I'm bored with my lifestyle slash friends slash everyday dramas or that work is dull and all that recurring daily crap. I mean the fact that, as Am has so fundamentally put it, but there's nothing to wake up to but Frosties. Everything seems so routine, so ordinary and frankly just so damn pointless. I almost feel as if I'm just going through the motions and yadayada; no sense of importance, no sense of accomplishment, no sense of satisfaction. Just, for the lack of a better word, emptiness. I tried to draw up a mental list of everything important to me as of now and well.. I drew a blank. These thoughts are impossible to pen down without sounding even the slightest bit suicidal. HA. On a different note, Lesson learnt, I'm stepping out of that one.

Knowing me, knowing you,

There is nothing we can do.

How can I even try to go on?

Oh dear child, have we gotten old?

So the much anticipated or more like dreaded weekend is finally over! Work is dull as ever. Well, today's temporary stint at Harbor freaking Front wasn't as horrific as I imagined. In fact, the six hours seemed much shorter than the normal four I sulk through at the norm. Plus because I quite literally dragged myself out of bed before twelve, I got to watch F1! Which surprises me too, but really it was pretty damn cool to say the least. Ha! I blame the Chew. Yes Saturday was I think the first time we hung without me shopping at all! Well that's only cos I blew $oopsoopsoops on Thursday. Hahaha sod off. Caught the movie of the season, MAMA MIA, (Gosh I can be so fuh-reaking mainstream sometimes) and we died. I can't understand how people could sit and seriously appreciate random heads popping up outta nowhere, goats and mules while Chew and I cackled our way through. What a word. HA. After that, stupid couple crashed the joint with empty promises of yogurt and a cruel trick in the midst of a china invasion and the wrath of the annoying as fuck whatever-she-is. You suck. 

Well other than that and the random messages from random boys (hehe) , the weekend has only been survivable because I have clogged all the emotions and hid them in some dusty corner. Cos if I didn't, I'd be filled with resentment, bitterness and sadness really even though I anticipated it all too early. I expect too much from the wrong people. I am going to drown myself in ABBA now! Gosh I really do feel old.

Dont go sharing your devotion,

Lay all your love on me.

Didn't think I'd miss her that much

I don't need to be reminded that everything is over. Don't need to know that holidays are half done. Don't need to know that I'm working three days straight. Don't need to remember that I have to jostle with half the world to get back. Don't need to be reminded this is the fucking weekend JC people get off. Don't care that everyone will be out except me and well.. Din. Don't need to face the thought of going back to school again. Don't need to be told my paycheck's not going to be very big. Don't quite give a fuck that I'm about to impale another hole in myself. Don't wanna think of the dates and what it'll hinder. Didn't need to be told I'm the only one. Don't even wanna begin to grasp the fact that my birthday's coming and that everything will be so different. Don't wanna remember that I'm just not a kid anymore. Don't care bout my responsibilities and blahblahblah. Don't wanna know about that girl. Don't wanna deal with any of this right now. Don't wanna face the extent of the damage. Especially don't wanna be reminded that September is ending and that another month has pass me by and that my life is still quite meaningless. I just wanna let it go. Thank you. 

My heart is aching.