as a friend, as an old enemy

As I begin typing I know that I will most likely regret this post before I am even finished. This week's Sunday comes to thee through the haze of a post drunk-bursting-into-hot-tears morning after, slumped in bed with only myself for comfort. I guess this will be yet another post that's dedicated to the one thing in my life that hotly burned (I just like how that sounds). I hope you read what I wrote and understood it; understood that I do not mean anything more but to always be looking out for you. Honestly, I don't know why anyone would say that to me. What a cunt. Well, you've always warned me against them and I hope you remember your own words because you need them now. I know how important blood is to you, so just be careful who you guize hang around. Nothing good comes out that crowd. Look at me typing into this white box as if it could really make a difference. Pathetic. Perhaps the most pathetic of all is that deep down, I truly believe. I believe that there is always someone reading. But above all, I believe in those words. When I am, against all better judgement, reading them, I believe in my heart that it is intended as what I perceive them to be. Not all of course, I'm not that fucking self-obsessed. But there are some instances where I know, I truly believe, that I am not crazy and I am not creating an elaborate fantasy in my head (this is where I begin to regret). Although I do think it is the result of my impressions of the past that taints the truth of my memories. Meaning: sometimes what you remember isn't necessarily the truth, because one chooses how to remember something based on how they feel at the time. This choice alters the way you perceive what is true and what is not. Read also: The Sense of An Ending. I am tired now, mostly from the lack of sleep but also from carrying with foolish pride, the burden of unrequited love. A sweetness from the past can leave one feeling semi-bitter. I've grown to learn that eternal bachelors are never eternal, although I always feel eternally alone. Well.


So I put my faith in something unknown,
I'm living on such sweet nothings