this is what makes us girls

A long drawn weekend that has left me feeling bittersweet about Life. A cosy enough night, a throwback to the way things used to be ish. Girls are different that way. We love more fiercely and protect what we deem as our own more viciously than boys do. Whoever gets left behind is simply deemed as collateral damage, revisited with the sole purpose of feeling the pang of wistfulness we as girls are obliged to feel. We were/are really the worst kinds of girls there are. The kind who make full use of our youth, leaving a trail of destruction with every move, investing in dysfunctional relationships yet are never true to each other. When I look back I still think those were the best years of my life but animosity, it seems, is simply part and parcel of the deal. Well, whatever it is, I'm good as long as I ain't the last one standing. Its worrying that I have yet to escape the volatile nature of youth. A couple months ago I was convinced I wanted to settle down.. and yet. Nothing is more exciting nor as tormenting as the mere possibility of something new, of being on the cusp of a new venture. Although I must admit nothing is quite as satisfying as a decent, real relationship. I'm greedy, I want it all. Speaking of which, you're so far gone that most times it genuinely doesn't even cross my mind. Except for when I'm furious at you. I don't care how ridiculous it is. The truth is I don't let go for nostalgia sake, for the times when I have a sudden urge (I got one today) to share a stupid joke with thou, for the times I'm hungry for some attention, for the times where bitterness gets the better of me. I have no doubts that you have your own selfish reasons as well. At the end, does it really matter who has a upper hand against who when we're both just fighting against each other? Damn. I may truly end up the last one standing after all.

Tell me I'm your national anthem