The perks of being Chinese? That was really almost too easy, sauntering past the fire breathing dragon and into my room. The element of danger will always get to me, always. I couldn't be anymore of a grown up, really.. kid in tow or not. A night filled with questions and a strangely empty feeling. I wish I could say I know this is real because I don't feel it. Its not faith if you use your eyes. Most times, even my eyes don't see this love you say you have. I can tell it's pre-matured, I guess it's different hearing it. And feeling it. Ironically, I know I act that way. I guess I just can't handle it. You ask me how I see you and I come up empty. Wordless. I have nothing to say, simply because I just don't know you. And it makes me sad. You used to be this idea. You used to always be this one-dimensional flimsy excuse for a person and I liked it. I liked the idea of this glamorous jet-setting person grounded by the idea of me or well more realistically, wanting me. But it's like when you get close to something and you realize it's.. different. It's a real, three-dimensional person with real feelings and real issues. Except I still don't feel like you have real feelings. I can see the flaws, the lack of easiness and the lack of emotional connection between us. But I so badly want to believe in this. I really do. I don't want to waste it but I also don't want to sell myself short. I want to believe that this is real but I can't. I like it and yeah, it's fun. But how long can adrenaline and the honeymoon high last? Honestly. And on the other hand, fuck you. The one time I decide to fucking bother since things are clearly different between us this year. Friendship over.Kept my high from the second one,
kept my eye on the first one
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