landslide

I wouldn't know where to begin, so I just won't. That was really quite a nightmare. Everything's just been getting more and more bizarre. I don't want to be too quick to say but it feels good to heave that sigh of relief. So many questions about karma the past few days. This was supposed to push me to be a better person. And it did put a lot of things into perspective, in terms of my inability to be one. A painful reflection of myself and the person I still am. I cannot deal with the past, I just can't shake that image of myself. And it's wrecking me and my self-esteem. Yeah, you win. After all these years, you still win because it still bothers me. Once and probably always. I just can't fucking wait for you to understand the disgusting damage you've done. This is how fucked up it is: I actually think I deserve this. Fuck. Whatever. Anyway. The bizarreness continues. The first time anyone (much less a boy) has ever said that to me. I mean, I've always understood the importance of these bones but I've never actually had it said to my face before.. if that's what you actually said. Ugh. Life. I won't even bother to say it doesn't bother me. My universe doesn't revolve around anyone but myself and it's disgusting. I find that I have gotten painfully selfish and I don't understand why and when. Was I really always like this? Or have I just gotten so used to being by myself and not having to be responsible to/for everyone? I think my changing stands can be attributed to my dead end view of relationships. That and my epic delusion that I can handle myself. HA. I'm just as bad of a mess as always.

I'm bitin' my tongue,

he's kissin' on you