This is making me miserable. This job is teaching me a lot of things, like the true meaning of manual labour and just how difficult life is for people who aim so fucking low. Nothing puts me off more than to be under someone who is fucking incompetent. There I said it and I can't take it back. Never one to quit but.... It's an option. Well. This is also bringing back into light questions of my future and how ready I am to get up and go. On one hand, with all this ridiculous boy drama happening, it makes me feel like I need to start somewhere new where people don't already have that impression of me. On the other, this ridiculous boy drama just proves how much of a mess I still am. Full disclosure isn't necessary right? It was waiting to happen, really. The question is: who am I protecting here? I think that somewhere under all that ego, I know I am wrong on some levels. It just fucking pisses me off that it is such a big ass deal but hey, what's new. Am I really getting too liberal? Maybe I really don't value myself enough. Liberal is a lie because let's be honest, I am still plagued by guilt and all that moral shit. It's always the same fucking debate. Pfft. On a related note, I wonder what is holding me back. Ego is merely a cover-up for my fear of looking stupid. A flat out accusation of it being a conspiracy felt like a slap in the face. I was always the doubtful one but that was kind of harsh. I just hope no one is actually capable of that. Your declaration didn't even surprise me, mostly because it's so hard to believe. I guess only time will tell? Pfft.
You didn't mean it baby
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