You can go your own way

Definitely been too long since I've gotten the chance to write. I feel so bad for all the hangovers my mother has to deal with. Hurhur. Speaking of which, my father is such a handful. A classic case of over-promising and I suspect, a severe lack of foresight. I can also say all these things but whether you/we are capable of pulling them off is a different thing. Again. I am saying this again. I am fucking confused enough as it is without you wanting to change the game every other day. He's just giving you more options, mutters my mother the mediator. Not helpful. I fucking resent the fact that he messed up his own fucking life and now mine is dependent on where HE gets into. And he is my older brother. Yes, I should have figured this out a long time ago and no, constantly reminding me is not moving us along. UGH. I never know what I want till it's too late. But that aside, it's like ghosts of christmas' past. First off, I am not your fucking entertainment. I don't know which one of your ever so lovely friends told you that it affected me but honestly, I didn't even remember you being there. Great move there cos now I am actually scorned. Hurhur. On the other hand, I either got over it or realized that it's the single-hood that kept me so obsessed. Sadly, I have come to accept that we are... wait for it..... friends. Ugh. How it fucking sickens me. But as much as (I let) you constantly better me by not replying first, I can't bring myself to do the same. Like I said, you sux. And on the other other hand, I suspect that I am equally intimidated. Oh god, the disgusting irony. I just..... no, no comments there. And on the other other other hand (what is happening with my life?), it's been a good year. Like I love to say, we are truly the motherfucking champions. It's amazing how little I feel. I wish the same could be said all around. Life lesson: I need to learn to dream bigger instead of simply feeling inferior. At the end of the day the biggest question is: what am I so fucking afraid of?

When the rain washes you clean you'll know