Cash enough to make me well

I've come to realize that my moral boundaries are defined by what the people around me say. Because clearly, I don't have any. Why is that so? "I leave you alone for insert-number-of-hours-here!!!" Think about it. I am incapable of making good choices. Yet when asked what kind of bad life decisions I almost brag about, I draw a blank. Perhaps it's the disgusting lack of regret that allows me to repeat myself. Because I do repeat myself. Perhaps I am really too easily blinded. I wouldn't say I am delusional; hopeful is a better word. But who wouldn't hope for it to be real? For like instead of want. Girls like that. I have too much emotional pride and not enough physical pride. Definitely only want. Not too sure how I'm gonna get myself out of this one, if it is even something to get out of. Hmm. Yet I don't want it to be nothing either for the sake of my own worth. I can't even bare to think about it. Just flashes of random moments. Does that excuse me? Damn you, genius. The standard just keeps dropping and dropping. This is why I have to be alone. Because right now, the toughest life decision I face at 3.21am is whether or not I should have noodles. In contrast, I really think that I'm doing well alone nowadays.. so well that I am completely uninterested in anything or anyone right now. Even with you, my one and only. I can't say I want it but I can't say I don't. I'm just jaded and tired of emotional bullshit. I don't deny that I occasionally ache for intimacy, but that is a welcome change from the painful ache for companionship I used to carry around. Intimacy like being able to spend copious amounts of time with someone without getting frustrated or bored, but I actually have that with friends as well. Hmm. It truly amazes me that you could think otherwise of me when you of all people know how capable I am. Yeah, that was definitely a bitchy thing to say.

Pills enough to make me feel ill