So that was life for a while and now it's back to pursuing my meaningless existence. Brilliant. All this conflict has made me realize that I need to dream bigger and think further. I am at the crossroads where I can't just wish for a bigger life, I've got to put pen to paper. And if it means making the difficult choice of possibly being miserable for two or three years, then well I've got to make that decision. My father just lives in his own world. The generations are changing and the opportunities are getting better. What he fails to see is his lack of foresight and possibly, that he needs to give me this chance as well. One can only hope that his fears wouldn't materialize (what's the worst that could happen? A couple of boys passed out on my lawn pfft) but I think that this might just be what I have to do. So.. I guess all that's really left is, what happens now? I guess it's safe to say that once I've made up my mind, it's pretty much ready to go. I think. Although I wonder if this is really the best option, what with my track record of disgustingly bad life decisions. Hmm. I feel like I might be on the verge of something that could put the number one mistake to shame. A little older and I wouldn't be able to (get away with) act(ing) on every impulse the way I (barely) do now. Mm it's always the same excuse with me, isn't it? Well, we'll see. On the other hand, you need to learn how selfish I can be and that you need to back the fuck up for your own good. I don't deny that I still worry about you but.. I don't mean half the things I say. And I am not someone you should trust. Just saying. Speaking of which, I know I seem to have laid off my obsession but I just need to say that I would give it all up if you asked me to. But that is a fucking long shot.
But how can I when you won't take it from me?
No comments:
Post a Comment