I've seen him here before

I don't quite understand what it means. Strangely enough, I can't grasp exactly why my choices are never the socially acceptable ones. Even after sitting through countless lectures over the years about my lack of good decision making skills, I don't think I've grown out of it. As my mother said, choosing beneath you will not lead to a good future. I spend too much time wondering. Actually, I still don't see why it's wrong. Yet it feels wrong. And I know it's wrong.. I think. Am I actually playing along? The most obvious reason is one of the past and is your monster, not mine. Not anymore anyway. Thinking back, I don't quite know what it was that turned the situation around. Boredom and as much as it pains me to say, an emotional attachment to the situation. Okay maybe attachment is too strong a word. Basically, you're not just any other stranger. And I don't think this is as much about you as it is about me and my past. The real danger is that I'm quite sure that it's already bothering me. Hmm. I suspect though it's the rebellious streak I haven't grown out of. And the keen interest in a life I truly desire to have. Pathetically. It's almost sad that the one thing I've always avoided since because of you is now redefined by the person you truly hated the most (well, after me anyway). Over the past year, I have avoided reliving the adventures we had in our heads out of respect and honestly, for fear of missing the high. I wanted to preserve and bury the idea of it along with the life we used to have and leave it as that. But your return has only opened the vault, in more ways than one. Hmm. On a more general note, it's really impossible to deny attachments to any of these situations, no matter how fleeting. I guess I'm really not as cold hearted as I like to believe.

Come to decide that things that I tried

were in my life just to get high on