Never seemed more true. The first of September came and went, marking the 2nd year I have had my tongue piercing. I vaguely remember saying I'll stop wearing it once I get out of school. Sigh. This month is always a sad one. Always. A lonely walk home with my hands in my pocket and Coldplay on repeat to remind me of the feeling I wish I have forgotten. Question: What do I want out of this? Companionship and company stems from friendship.. and yet. Am I ready to put myself in a situation where I am that vulnerable again? To be honest, I am still reeling from what is now known to be my biggest loss, the best one yet. 2-in-1. The double blow left a gaping hole. I always say I was too close and everyone would avert their eyes and solemnly nod their heads. Problem is you never really realize what you're doing when you're in it because it always feels so fucking good in that moment. Typically, only that moment. Which again leads me to question: is now all that worth it? I fucking hate these consequences/circumstances. Sometimes I feel like I have my back to you.. which really sucks because a lot of the time I find myself wanting more for you, wanting the best for you. I am poisonous.. maybe a little more than I realize. Missing. Lacking. Wanting. So now that I've finally admitted to myself that I have a problem.. how am I supposed to go about fixing it? For the first time in quite a while, I feel like I have no one to turn to to tell me what to do.
Oh what a thing to do
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