Desperately needed break and a holiday it was. Truly spoilt. It's almost ridiculous. Almost. Never good enough remember? With your absence brings my realization that I am already too dependent on this. Not you, not just yet, but this. I hate to say it but it serves as a distraction from myself. As it always did I guess. Putting it all on someone other than myself. I don't know what regret means. Yet somehow, there's honestly no room in my head for you. Oh dear me what have I gotten myself into? -transition- Epic mindfuck. I let it affect me. It only relates to me if I want it to relate to me. It is everything I hate.. Why are you always right? Still? I am 90 percent of this mindfuck. I let myself drift into the cracks, something I haven't allowed in a long time, just to see how bad it was. B-R-E-A-K. Desperately needed break and broken it was. Cold winds churning my insides, mocking me and my loss. Maybe I really do need some help.
Going back to get away, after everything has changed
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