Sometimes I wonder; how many times am I going to let you disappear from my life the moment I am no longer of use to you? Somehow you in all your simpleness always outsmart me, all ways. It starts with me believing that I am using you as an escape, for company, for familiarity and comfort. Yet somehow my nostalgic heart always gets the best of me; and you with your cold, uncaring one remain at a careful detachable distance. I have won in so many ways but not in any that actually matter. Fuck, one day, I will best you.
As for the other one, it is a choice not to remember. I wanted to keep things pristine in my head, to not realize the entity of how truly poisonous you were. It was hurting me as a person, drawing blood from my core. My self worth, my morals, my perception of what I deserve in life; they meant nothing to you. Now I truly hate myself, not for you but for myself. And you thought you were going to save me. Pfft. The best part: Despite how little you have made me feel, I will always know that I am better than you ever will be.
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