I just realized that I forgot to keep the walls up, forgot to keep everything at a good safe distance. I crave company, I do. I am sick again; yet another alcoholic night.. makes things easier? I know everyone judged. Other than that, I really feel like you keep me safe. But.. you are a little too safe. As justine says: "Not that you know what a chinese secondary school boy is ^^" The marker incident crazy impressed me. The more I think about it, the more I don't want work to end. Honestly, I think I'd miss everything. Like weekends, catching up over drinkz, having an actual purpose and being in the North. Safety zone. Away from the other one. I failed to realize how different school would be.. without you. Also, I really really need to delete it before I mindfuck myself more. The worst would be if you weren't even playing and I'm just doing this to myself. But really now.. knowing me, knowing you (THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO). Life. Till today, I've barely figured out how I feel about you now. Most days I genuinely hate you, and others I feel bad because underneath everything, you really did try. I'm just a selfish lover. Perhaps, I really didn't give myself a decent shot at being alone. And not so surprisingly, I find that I don't get enough time alone anymore. Time to clear my head. My new approach to life is to underthink. Somehow, I feel it crumbling already.
You say you do, but you don't deceive me
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