Note to self: don't give up something real for something fleeting and meaningless. My mind is in a right mess. Could be the illness, or it could be the fact that an end is fast approaching. I think it's safe to say that I have definitely over-romanticized this entire ordeal in my head. I can see now that I was simply swept up by the idea that someone thought I was special.. or at least, that's what I wanted so desperately to believe. Reality is as cold as I remember. It's fine really, it's not that I didn't see it coming and it's not that I believed it could go anywhere. I knew the only way it could end was to have it quietly fade away as if it was an embarrassing oversight. So that's that then. It's fine. It's about time anyway we all see that nobody is special and that everybody is exactly the same. Right O. Anyway, it's stupid of me to let anything or anyone distract me from what I have now. I know it's fucked up to say this now but.. I'm so grateful to have what I have. Thank you for looking after me and looking out for me, even if it's in the simplest of ways. You're so real to me. You're so real to me. You're so so real to me.
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