my only love sprung from my only hate

Life here and there. With buu having gone back to Perth, it's a little quieter now but we get by. The last couple of weeks have felt like a whirlwind, a fresh burst of energy but not without a fair share of animosity, of course. I can't deny a bitterness on my part against anyone happier than I. Yes, it is selfish and yes it is immature but in general I try to keep in within the confines of myself. Still, things have been pretty peachy. Other times, it just sucks. I don't know how to deal with these dreams, these feelings I can't shake off. Even in my imagined reality, it's too difficult to look you in the eye, too difficult for me to accept the loss. Yes, after all this time. I try to comfort myself with the notion that what I feel is irrelevant in real life and that things have changed too much, Life has moved on too far, that we've come apart too long ago for it to matter anymore. But it does. When I am alone, you shouldn't be surprised to learn that it isn't him that crosses my mind, but you. I've literally been across the world and back and yet I always find that in my mind, I'm always in a cramped apartment with our dreams. What am I saying. In the last few weeks of liberation, I have come to learn that everybody lives desperately clawing at Life searching for someone to give a fuck. And if not, at the very least, to feel close to a person other than oneself. That's why boys talk to girls they're not interested in and girls talk to boys they can't stand. Because everybody's yearning to feel closeness, longing for the comfort that comes with intimacy. Even if its with a stranger. Whether its a shared understand or something as small as an inside joke, that's really all we're looking for.

Too early seen unknown, and known too late