Always what I imagined our lives would be. It just felt like you were mocking me and I did the first thing that came to mind. Oh well. The reality is that isn't actually how our lives are. Despite everything I built in my head, my memories of you, you and I. My delusion about what I thought we were doing; the cosy exchanges.. they're just that. They are merely delusions. "I thought I understood it. But I didn't." I guess I just imagined that after the string of empty lovers we would somehow find out way back to what was real. God I must sound stupid as fuck now. And that would have been it. I imagined me saying to you "this is it, you and me". I don't know why I would think that.. but I just kind of do. So much for growing up. Sigh. Speaking of empty lovers, I just feel so much lighter now that your burden has been lifted off my shoulders. It's almost a feeling of relief that I'm no longer stuck in something that I don't believe in. I mean, yeah it sucks cos it gets boring but that's it. No overwhelming grief, no longing, no regrets. Leaving out of course, my drunk fits and what not. I guess you can't miss something that was never really there in the first place. After all, the ultimate goal is just to be happy right?
You never had a chance you know
Incurable romantics never do
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