Somehow it's not so bad. It feels liberating to see things from my own point of view now, to believe in my own thoughts and my own feelings. Life. And yet. In liberation, you get pleasure and fun.. and solitude. But when you're backed up in the corner, you can't be alone but you're stuck. Running around in hysteria in your own head, wanting so desperately to get out. All those words you said by the side of the road, ringing in my head. This feels so familiar it makes me sick. BTFU. Lying on the floor, dreaming about being adventurous, about being alone, about being liberated from everything. Just dreaming. As usual, I am afraid of more than I'd like to think. Oh how that fear controls me. I am only young once. Just once. Not everything is as infinite as I, as a foolish young girl, would like to believe. I've heard too much, but really, victory is in the mind. In my mind. Wanting so desperately to be better (than you). But on a brighter note, company doesn't seem so difficult to get nowadays but it could be the (guilty) pleasures. Ugh. Crying wolf like a scared, stupid child. Tough, love. Deal with it. Everything seems so chaotic, like I just need space to fucking breathe and fix everything one by one, starting of course with you. It's time to fucking get out.
I'll have you know I'm scared to death
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