I don't know where to begin. Christmas this year was surprisingly lovely. Everything that follows never is. I am at my wits end with everything, in line with the end of yet another year I suppose. I knew that things cannot possibly be this peachy. 2009 may not have sucked shit but it definitely had it's fucked up moments. As it does every year I suppose. I guess you might even call it a tradition: Every year I fight internal and external battles regarding everything and everyone around me and every year you all have still somehow never failed to bring me back up. This year's horizon looks far from complete. I am quickly losing faith in everything I used to believe in and I don't even give a fuck anymore. While the rotating axis around what I had once called my constant is appreciated, I cannot deny that it is the core that depresses and excites me more than anything else. That's just the kind of girl I am. And despite the horrible reputation the years have stuck on us, I somehow still always believe that somewhere inside we are not what everybody believes we are. And yet I have been disappointed time and time again. I'm going to take the blame for this one. Maybe I am just being hormonal, or maybe it's just the dreaded cycle, or maybe I've just come to expect too much from everything. Maybe expecting even the tiniest form of company from anybody has become too much to ask. Yes I am talking about the disappointing(disappearing) axis as well. I don't even miss any of it. I don't know what I mean and what I don't mean anymore.
You could never see it through my eyes
And I'm too tired to try
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