Now there's only emptiness

So it has been a long and tedious week. Work is getting somewhat comfortable; running errands like getting ice and counting things. At least I'm getting paid. Hurhur. Days have been filled with the most unnecessary drama ever. It's really not that I have nothing to say or that I'm afraid to start something, because everyone knows I live for this kind of shit, but sometimes you simply have to pick your battles and choose the ones that are even fucking worth the time of day. f you lie, you don't deserve to have friends. Anyway, Thursday + Free-flow of champagne + Redbull vodka = epic bad idea = epic consequences. And it really wasn't until I was throwing up alone at six in the morning that I realized how much this shit means to me. Such is life.

This is a social scene anyway

YSL = you slutface liar

I think I'll start a new life

Voluntary Internship?! How noble!

Blue for the tears,

Black for the night's fears

Clearly not thrilled

Weak-end. I figured it had to happen anyway. Friday was mishap after mishap; pms is such a lame excuse. Butter last night was unexciting to say the least. I hate how the moment someone points something out, it's all you ever see. Not to mention the epic mood-ruiner I couldn't even be fucked to hide. Hawhaw. Such is life. Yes hi Am I'm sorry I stole your picture! Hee. I am so severely sleep deprived right now it's not even fucking funny. I have about a billion and three things to get done by today and to be honest I am filled with such dread and nervousness. Grr. I can't even be fucked to pretend that this weekend wasn't supposed to be awesome because everybody knows that work weekends really aren't the damn same. Whatever the fuck.

Take me home

I'd rather die than be with you

Ex-girlfriends day

The messiest train of thoughts I've had in a while. Life brings such spectacular and unexpected obstacles/miracles, doesn't it? A billion things to get done by this weekend and freedom is one of them. Well, I can only give up so much for this. The procrastinator in me begs to differ though. My holiday has long perished, both of them. Sigh. Days like this I ponder the dangers of dependency. And change, but only the detrimental kind. Well it can't be that bad. So I have feelings. Big fuck. Get in line. Right? I can't stop reading Am's post. It's not even about what it's always about anymore. Or always was about. This isn't even about me. Not that I am one to care. Getting even only happens when we're playing a game. Here's the thing. I have just fucked the biggest (non-existent) back-up plan ever only to be reminded about all the plans you have in stored for you. Again. And again. And again. Congratulations, I am forever happy for you. Forever = non-existent. Oops. Clearly I don't like to lose. Hurr. Why does epic coincidence and epic consequences sound the same to me? Sorry but I don't know how to react or feel.

I will never ask if you don't ever tell me

I'll love you forever, but now it's over

So we learnt a lot today. Throwing money around doesn't fix shit and plans don't always work out right. Uncanny coincidences with mohawk-ed boys, Godfatherly advice and uninspired shopping. Number one conclusion: Epic plans lead to epic consequences which leads to epic endings. Put the bag down, River Island is this way. See, shopping works this way. You have a strategy: how you work your way through the shops, where to put your money, what to invest in. You grab your item of desire; try it, want it, hold it, love it, adore it and if you're lucky, buy it. The truth is, some things we just can't afford simply cos they cost way too much. Some things you just can't buy so no matter how spoilt you are, you have to let go. Sometimes, they're supposed to be left on the shelves for someone richer, more worthy and frankly more frivolous to pick up and buy. Period. So put that phone down, walk away and let it go. Cos the moment you put all your money on this one thing, it's yours. So fuck that.


You think I'm weak,
I think you're wrong

And I still taste it on my tongue

So it's been a whole year.

I am so different,

Yet still so broken.