Change was never a friend of mine

Slip up, cover up

Turn back, back up

Eyes roll, right round

Right back, left behind

 Break down, break up

Fall down, pick up

Burn down, burning up

Throw away, throw up

Right now, now what?

Me and my head high

So in the past two days things actually came to a point where I thought that I might actually seriously die. Blazing through the night as I was neglected for the millionth time trying to bring attention to the fever I myself neglected for days. Karma sucks. But well, no school for a week! Hurr. Oh poor little rich girl. If I don't get this trip to my congested city paradise, I am going to throw the biggest fit in the world. Yeah somebody shoot this girl. Hurr. Long-lasting tiffs and spats encouraged by parental guidance and long lost dreams lead to deadly friendly competition. Sadly I must admit that a lot of the stupid things I do are triggered by alcohol and then fueled by this inferiority complex I cannot shake, even in my dreams. Pfft. I am fucking sour. I blame my mother, I really do. What scares me more is that in the last week I feel like I have lost more than I should have, which has resulted in me not being lost at all. The more I lose myself, the less lost I am. The more I lose myself, the more I lose around me. The more I lose myself, the more I will eventually lose. Whatever it is, I pretty much lose.

I guess you better go get your amour

I would watch me fall apart

It's December all over again as I mope about this cold and empty room; physically sick and sick of life. It's demoralising to learn that I have once again been a disappointment, that I really have not changed at all. Big words and quick thinking cannot hide this resounding feeling of guilt and.. more guilt. Inappropriate; I even have to use the same word. And it is so much worse when you're not the only one affected, when your course of irresponsible behavior drags along the one who's near and dear to you, when it shatters the image you yourself tried so hard to protect. Superficial hypocrisy. I am such an epic loser. And now as the words and moods and uneasiness swirl in my drowsy overheated brain, sadness and anticipation conquers my being. Well, that and painkillers. In every way. Made a scene in the scene I love to loath. Nice. And as always I am feeling older than I should, when in actual fact I'm really not old enough. Moral values under immense scrutiny this week. Pearl lines are not as classy as it sounds. Covered up yet not covered up at all. I'm not numb anymore.


I'm sorry that it took so long
For me to change

Sucking too hard on your lollipop

All of the people start to rush by.

By the way I tried to say

Vices.

Blame a new love for an old love

So I am left to wonder if the universe just fucking hates me as it hurls incredibly exasperating and absolutely fucking eccentric forms of mishap and tribulation my fucking way. It is taunting and punishing me for every single sin I have sinned in the past eighteen years I can bet. It's almost amusing that the thing that is fucking irritating me the most right now is the fact that I have not been able to upload photos on blogger for some reason. *ANGST. Let's not fucking forget the epic adventure in search for a (late) piercer to stick a fucking needle in me so I am less angst at the damn world. Changz, tea and Red Bull later, we are left even more omfg at our lives when our insanely tiring search is futile. Giving up. The drama that unfolds the next day is even more fucking traumatic and now I am questioning my entire sense of worth. Morals and principles were never my forte but I never foresaw myself down this unsafe and rocky road. Everything always happens at breakneck speed; too fast to catch, too good to stop. Pleasures versus measures. And then, for mere entertainment for the universe, today I am poisonous. You know what? I don't care anymore; you fucking win.


I'm always up late,
I think I'm everything you hate.

Loose lips sink ships

Just pretend I didn't tear your world apart.