T'was a long and terrible week. That's just life, pretty much. I'm definitely overthinking 80% of these issues. Work is just, gonna be whatever it is. Although it was a pretty challenging and busy week, coupled with my mood swings & general uncertainty, I've decided to not let it get me down. If I'm in a bad mood at work, the person it's affecting the most is really myself. Things are bound to happen, the only thing I can change is my attitude. SO that's that then. Recently, a lot of questions have also come to light about whether or not there's truly a place for me.. and after much worrying and contemplating, I guess I've decided to just have some faith? Literally anything can happen, and worrying and letting it get me down simply doesn't add any value to the situation. I think I had let some outside influence affect my perception of my circumstances. On one hand, it's a good thing cos it broadens my perspective on where I'm at and where I could go. But on the other hand (you have different fingers), everybody's circumstances are different. Soo yeah, that was this week. But just in general, I really should be more careful. I think I may be getting myself in trouble here.. okay fine, I know I am. The fucked up thing is, there's no fucking winning here. Either I get in trouble or my ego gets a (much deserved probably) beating. Meh. Honestly though, I would be fucking butt hurt if it wasn't really a thing and I was just making it up in my head. I'm so immature. How can anyone believe that I've changed? More importantly, how am I still this fucked up person? Am I never going to grow out of this shit? The worst part is that I fucking know better.. it's not that I'm so blind that I can't see how fucked up I am. I know how fucked up I am.. and I still don't change. I can't. I just don't know how. I want so badly to be better, but I also want to have everything. It's only going to be a matter of time before I lose everything that I already have.
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