LDN twn

"This is not going to be a carefully crafted post with big words and cryptic meanings. This is simply an honest expression of the way I feel at this very moment. What people never realize is that now is as elusive and evasive as one's youth. The last few months in Birmingham have taught me that I am only as good as the way I feel. The events that transpired have taught me that I am not any stronger than anyone else - that despite what I believe, I am as prone to getting hurt as the next fool. Most of my youth is spent living dangerously, ploughing through life chasing savage desires yet protecting my heart with a ferocity that could match the burning sun. What this time has taught me is that by protecting oneself from sadness, you are also denying yourself a chance at happiness. Last night's teary goodbye was heart wrenching. Now I can simply attribute it to the new life I've made, new friends and new adventures I had have to leave behind but we all know it isn't entirely true. A lot of me couldn't bear to leave you and us and our hobo lifestyle because I know things could never be the same. The truth is, I came to Birmingham with the intention of getting my life together. And while I'm (amazingly) leaving it with a bigger wreck on my hands, right now in this very moment I regret nothing. I regret absolutely none of our lazy languid nights in my tiny room, playing house and sneaking around. I don't even regret the hours I've spent lying on my back thinking about you and her with nothing but the familiar sting of jealousy that soon made it's home in my bed. I think of all the places we have made our mark with great fondness and an even greater sadness. What began with two lost kids looking for company and escape from the quiet hell of an empty room has grown into something more than what flashed before my eyes the very first night you leaned in to kiss me. I'm not naive, I can guess that none of this is real, that it could well be the vacuum of time and space and what not that attributes to the intensity of this fiery desire and desperation for each other. Whatever it is, right now all I know is that I truly could not have done this without you. "

- Two entire years ago