Where do I even begin. I suppose I should start with the fact that I've lost my phone and well, all hell ensued. I really should've learnt and or known better.. I can't quite deny that I am indeed stubborn and foolish, to say the very least. Right at this very moment, I don't know where you've gone and it's creating a void in me. Here we go again. I've come to realize I'm pretty damn obsessed with you.. as far as my obsessions go. So that's really great, because things may be fine and peachy now (well not right this now), but what's gonna happen when everything inevitably falls apart? I really need to pick my advances more carefully. It's only a matter of time and sadly, who. This is hurting my feelz. On to more pressing matters.. well. It upsets me greatly that the biggest concern I have is that if you're freaking dead or alive. I guess to an extremely large extent, it's truly none of my business.. but like, come on dude. Maybe you don't understand how important you are, not just to me but like just as a human being co-existing with other human beings. I don't even know what to say anymore other than I hope you're well.. and that well, whatever else that we already know.Caught in the symmetry of your mind
But I'm not happier than you
A quick glimpse at a staycation that just fell in our laps, a welcome retreat from the nothing we do all the time ie not studying. The last week or so has been spent kind of studying ish I guess.. sometimes space is good. And sometimes space leaves room for paranoia. But I digress. Today's paper was so tiring that somewhere like 2.5 hours in I was like holy shit am I still freaking writing? I know I shouldn't be complaining because if we don't have exams, then how would we earn our degree? So I bite my tongue and push on. It's been particularly stressful, though I can't quite tell if it's because it's final year or because I spend so much time with you not studying that it impedes my progress. Can't blame you either way I suppose. Last night after my frenzied oh-my-god-what-if-what-i-studied-doesn't-come-out panic attack, I was trying to push these thoughts out of my mind when it settled on something more off-putting. One other reason for my certainty that this won't become real is the fact that you lack drive and motivation in your life and that really diminishes my respect for you as a person. Enough said. On a lighter note, my father has finally realized that next year is a complete waste of money - in his words: "no exams?? so basically it's just a holiday?!". #japan2014
A flurry of activities - tea @ St Regis with my favourite boy, my favourite flew home for some QT, the night I went out cos you went out, crabs with my grandmomma, my girlfriend and of course, F1 weekend with The Killers. This week is a welcome break from school, two weeks till exams and I can't believe I'd be done with the first semester. Only one more to go before we jet off to TOKYOOO for exchange #2. Life has been very kind, although peppered with minor illnesses and even more minor disputes. Sometimes when I'm alone at night I feel the stillness in the air and the emptiness in my bed but all is instantly forgotten when my phone lights up.. SO GAY. But alas, life is never all sunshine and butterflies and crap. This paranoia. I can't. I don't know how. "Are you falling in love with me?" Why do boys always say that. The problem with my paranoia is a) it's not that baseless I guess b) it affects even the littlest of things c) I'm too proud to ever talk about it. What to do. Lately, I've come to realize that life is cyclical and paradoxical. I've been toying with the idea that perhaps the reason I always attract people that seems disloyal and untrustworthy is because I am exactly so. For example, if I don't trust you, I wouldn't hesitate if and when someone else pique my interest cos I'd think: "Well, you'd do it to me, right?" I don't know why I can't grow out of it. In practice, it seems ingenious but when I truly think about it.. it all seems extremely frivolous.