so this is the new year

Simply because I am supposed to be studying. A few things and people swirling around my mind, sort of. I truly think I just need something to occupy all the space in there because nothing truly matters. Or at least, I'd like to think. On the other hand, you've made it pretty fucking obvious that you don't take anything seriously either. What is your damn deal? If I knew from the start we probably wouldn't be here right now but noooooo, had to be so dodgy about it. I don't want to need. I know it's simply the vacuum of time and space that is pulling things together. I'm fairly certain I'm the only one that isn't homesick because I have nothing waiting for me and it was a choice. I made the choice to be free from these things because I didn't want to continue being someone like you - someone with responsibilities and a life that he doesn't respect. I can't respect people like that. Far for me to preach I suppose (this is really fucking bad for my karma). There is a difference between making a mistake and being fucking two-faced. Once again, my theory that nothing is worth it cos people are shit has been proven right. Slow clap please. I don't know why I'm so fucking smug about being right because I am fucking tired. Tired of always feeling hopeful, tired of the inevitable disappointment, tired of feeling like this life simply isn't worth living. Underneath everything, all I truly wish for is something real because it has been too many years since I've felt anything even remotely close to anything fulfilling. On a less frustrating note, I think I have semi come to terms with the way things have been left off. As usual, you have made a complete disappearance but I guess I am just used to it. I just wanted to believe that I meant something more. I wanted to believe that this was the end game. I just wanted you. But I guess there's a different time and place for that and it isn't now. It's never now.


There'd be no distance that could hold us back