the most pathetic thing

when two people clearly need to be away from each other but don't leave because they're just comfortable or scared

you're still very young

As usual, I really should be studying or doing something of use to my life. But I'm not. This laziness, or should I say complacency is really getting out of hand. Things are getting bigger, getting heavier. Or I am anyway. Mehh. Questions about whether I'm doing the right thing has made me realize that I'm a lot more lost than I realized. Maybe business just isn't my calling. But.. what is? It just makes sense. Maybe I'm just saying that cos I'm chinese. I don't know. Do I really wanna give up what could turn out to be a smarter move cos I don't fit in or cos it's harder than I thought? Everything is disintegrating around me and I am too lazy to catch it. Digging my own damn grave. I wish I was more foresighted, that would be enough for me. On an unrelated note, I am going to die alone. Or I wish I would anyway. Actually if ever there was anybody who should die alone, it should really be you. (LOL jking you'll have your mother). It's not my fault you are inadequate. It's not my fault I can tell you don't want to change (that bothers me, I mean after all.. it's free). Perhaps the only thing that's my fault is that I haven't already left.


Was it really worth you going out like that?

gimme sympathy

"The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present."

the tragedy, she said, was that she didn't

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I guess you can stay it all started when everything finally fell apart.. ish. I wish I could say I'm gonna die alone but if I stick with this, I foresee a fate thats worse than that. Woe. And yet. Boredom is the main criminal. What to do. I need to get out. Though I must say I do act and think like I am indeed going to die alone.. it's about as bleak as I remember. Unless you have a fun night or two, but how often do those come along? Well. Speaking of fun nights. Guilt is a dirty thing and an old time friend. And yet it only strikes when it matters. I guess that's enough evidence that this simply doesn't matter anymore, if ever. Years changes a person in so many ways, whether you grow up and/or apart. Thank you for your input, darling. I see you haven't changed a bit. I bet you think I'm crazy, but you were always right. I wish so badly to show you how much I've changed. This week also came the news of a tragic loss. It's already greatly saddened me, I can only imagine how anyone else feels. And of course in such difficult times, it makes everyone reconsider their lives, no matter how far away. I thought of you and how it would make you feel. We have weird connections with him back then, somehow it seems everyone did. That was truly undeserved.

with grace in your heart

and flowers in your hair

The Dreamers

I just want you to think about what it means to you, when you're alone

b-b-breaking it up

And I call you baby, I will and I do

Persuade you in though I know that we're through

I let you think that I'm yours when I'm not

Keep you here though I'm ready to drop the last line here

transatlanticism

I'm a lot more unhappy than you realize. Most nights apart are spent wondering what I am still doing here. The few nights we spend together feel long and taxing. Sometimes I wish I were more brave. Ironically, I've always said that I will be that in the future because of my past and what I've gone though. And yet it's the fear of the past repeating itself that has me trapped. The vicious cycle. I do think that sometimes, what I really need is a friend. Although I am still quite bitter and resentful, I do hope that you're happy where you are. One of us should be and karma has dictated that it shouldn't be me. And I agree. Strangely enough, I still carry a lot of guilt despite the closure and what not. I guess it's not so much about you as it is about me never being able to forgive myself for doing that to myself. But back to the issue at hand. I remember when everything first presented itself to me and the way I used to yearn. But that was a long time ago. I know it's not just time and it's dastardly deeds. It's the hollowness of the non-existent foundation on which all this is built on. It's a present unravelling itself only to be greeted with disappointment, which eventually grows into resentment. It's the nagging feeling of uncertainty. It's me on my pedestal looking around and thinking, no I don't belong here. It's me and my youth vs. you and your comfort. "I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, you know?". Its you and all your flaws, magnified into one giant wtf. It's me and my frivolity, my selfishness, my perceived invincibility. But painfully, above all else, it's the fear.

I think I want to live my life and you're just in my way

forever

"Your 20s are your selfish years. It's a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time and all the aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground"