I want you, endlessly

I'm not surprised at how I feel. A lull in the weekend. These blinding lights been nothing to me. I miss you, quite dearly. It's not really the number of days so much as it is the thought of the distance between us. "Why do you pretend you don't care?" Those overused words struck me like a chord. Maybe it's the time we've spent that's really fostering these feelings of warmth and other gay things inside me. Finally, the release of thy hormones and the illness that makes me a crabby person. I am too quick to threaten, I know. But it's only because I know you won't let it get that far. Not now anyway. It makes me really really mean. I don't know. I miss how you take up more than half of my tiny bed, the playful and increasingly violent fights we get into on the wet streets outside my gate, the irritating way you lumber so noisily down the stairs on our escape route and the way you cajole me when I throw one of my meaningless, completely random fits. Damn it. One more week and I'll be free to live back in my head, dreaming of our parisian adventure. It's The History Of Love that's making me this way, I know it. Once upon a time, there was a boy who lived in a house opposite a girl who no longer exists. It gets me every fucking time. Funny how neither of us exists anymore and yet I still have to deal with so many fucking consequences. Or maybe, it's just me that doesn't exist anymore. Not in that world anyway. Perhaps it still exists, just without me and because I am watching as an outsider that I get these bitchy looks and sneers. Probably also because they're allowed to show that they hate me now... must've been how I made her feel. Hmm. To be frank, I'm happy I don't exist anymore. It has let me see so much of the worlds I've missed whilst residing only in that one concentrated bubble. It really helps me put into perspective what I have and sadly also, what I don't have.

You gave me your answer, goodbye

Now I'm all on my own tonight