I'm tired of the sunset

A string of endless nights. Where do I even begin. The first one saw me seeing green, or well seeing red. It's like you don't wanna look but you can't help but stare and wonder why it's not you. Hurhur. Not that I really wanted it to be me, it's just the jeluz person I am. Your uncalled for rage. Pfft. The next night was well, I don't remember. I have a problem with attention. Heck, you could even attribute it to clinginess. It's pretty straightforward really, a million times over. It's so unhealthy, it's destructive and yet I let it happen. The less I get, the more I desperately crave. Maybe I'm really not suited to be.. tamed? But I am, I know I am. I know I'm that kind of girl, I have it in me to settle down away from the glitz of the lights and empty highs. In fact it's really what I want, I just can't seem to do it.. now. An over emotional night coming off not getting what I want. I wonder if you realize I am in the midst of a giant tantrum. A storm is brewing above me as I sit like a petulant child in my corner sneering, scorned and now adamant that you also don't get any. Even if it means gritting my teeth and biting my tongue. So so much mistrust. I think it reflects badly on myself; I fear you would do to me what I could do to you. I take my own capabilities and reflect it onto you, and because of that I also can't trust. It's really not you so much as it is.. me. Well. What's new. It costs waaaay too much around here to fuck up -.- You little bustard. Moving on. I struggle to understand why the lack of connection affects the dynamics of our favorite past time, when having no connections whatsoever never made a difference before. It doesn't make sense to me unless things are finally.. falling apart.

what you got

is what you wanted